Everyone is a critic, and so am I

Philip Darlington
Video Editor
As I am sure most of you are aware, humans love to comment and analyze everything. Why just the other day, I checked out a movie forum to see if the latest installment of swashbuckling Johnny Deppness was supposed to be any good. It came as no surprise that everyone with access to an Internet had something to say; that being said, most of them should have kept their mouths shut.
Why is it that everyone feels the need to be a critic? It’s quite obvious who the amateurs and the pros are. Actual journalists write the reviews that are boring to read and offer no conclusion; the ones that are all negative are the ones written by nobodies. The problem I have with the current rating system is that everyone wants to be the top authority on films, but because they have no real insight to add other than their own narrow-mindedness, it comes off as bitter and, as a result, we all see many two thumbs down out of 5 stars or, whatever people use to rank things.
The second problem lies with the real critics. We assume that because they are paid to review films they must know what they are talking about. No no no no no no! They are just as lost as everyone else; the only difference is that because they represent a publication or station, they feel the need to not step on anyone’s toes. What I want from people who actually know how to write is a solid opinion and enough backbone to say that they either loved or hated a movie, even if the only reason given is based on genre or actors.
What we really need are movie reviews written like restaurant reviews. In a restaurant review, the author is short, sweet and too the point. For instance, I went to Paradiso, a restaurant on Oakville’s Lakeshore, last week with my girl friend. They served fantastic gourmet twists on traditional food for a very reasonable price. It was like your mother’s home cooked food turned up to eleven. See, that’s all a review needs to be – just one’s honest opinion in a paragraph, not more than a few sentences long. People don’t want an essay; they want to know what it was like and if they will get their hard earned money’s worth.
So Although I am just another termite in the decaying mound of reviews here is what I thought of P.O.T.C. On Stranger Tides. It was very funny, and I enjoyed it very much. Not once did I lose interest, and while many movies get worse and worse as more are produced, this was like adding hot peppers to your family recipe for tomato sauce. Johnny Depp was his usual quirky self in the role of Captain Jack Sparrow, and the change of pace did him well. I like fighty films with a bit of a twist and comedy thrown in the mix. I like watching the bad guys win and most of all I like movies that everyone else criticizes and that that turn out to be really good.