How to take your snuggling to the next level

How to take your snuggling
to the next level
Flynn Daunt
Science and Technology Editor
T
here is but one act that can truly unite two individuals into the harmonious bliss of blissful harmony. I talk, of course, about the sensuality that can only come from snuggling.
The truest form of snuggling, cuddling, spooning or hugging-el-maximo is something one must be able to master over a long period of time. He or she must perfect his or her body to perfect cuddlosity, into a proverbial shining, glowing, golden orb of energy; one with large arms that makes you feel like nothing in the world could break you apart. Snuggling is a life-time commitment; those that wish to snug-and-dash (I’m speaking to you, snugglos) should stop reading now!
If you are still reading this and have no desire to use these skills for the betterment of a steady relationship, you are not only bad at following instructions, but you may also never find true snuggling Zen.
But what exactly is snuggling? Snuggling is when two individuals, lying at a 145- to 180-degree angle, hold and caress each other. Master cuddlers can teleport both themselves and their partner – literally – to a dimension consisting only of the two of them and throw pillows.
Some may see snuggling as but a gateway to sexual relations – ah, this is how a naive fool thinks as he dances for pennies to the pleasure of kingly nuzzlers. Sex is but the foreplay to getting some of your best cuddling action. Yes, I know that most of you want to just jump right in and wrap your body around your loved one, but a professional has to get through the unfortunate act of intercourse before the true magic begins.
Make sure to be limber and well stretched before attempting any high level snuggling techniques, as cramps can happen at any time. Now, when both of you are relaxed, you have a few options. The safest one is to go for the novice’s first choice, The Spoon. Both lay on their sides, facing the same way. The one behind the other is the “big spoon,” cradling the smaller spoon. This is a good beginner stance as it allows free movement, a free arm for caressing, and enough closeness for some down and dirty shoulder or ear nibbling.
Seems simple, right?

Wrong, you gigantic idiot!
The largest problem is what to do with your lower arm. One arm should be folded around your partner and a leg can be resting on your partner but the arm below you is a tricky one. You’ll want to pull yourself as close as possible, but lying directly on your arm can be uncomfortable. The other option is to get it underneath the neck of your partner. While this might seem like a good fix, a number of issues arise.
If you need to use the bathroom and ruin a good snuggle, you’ll disturb your partner; on the other hand, falling asleep in that pose can lead to your arm falling asleep, or what’s known as “the lazy man’s arm” or “cuddler’s revenge.”
I recommend propping up a pillow between your lower arm and your head. Your head can rest comfortably on the pillow while your arm can lie around your partner’s head. After years of snuggling, I’ve found this to be the best solution.
Circulation is also a key factor that should be kept in mind for a long snuggling session. If you are both under the covers, overheating can be a serious issue. Try and make sure some air gets between you and your partner, and be in a position where you won’t get cramped or have limbs fall asleep on you.
If you think you’re ready for more advanced snuggling techniques, then try thinking about shifting the “height;” cuddle up on the stomach, or even around the legs. If you’re really ready for it, face each other, wrap up every limb and start to meld within each other like two octopi made entirely out of mercury.
With patience and a love of a good snuggle, you too can become the ultimate cuddle-pro.
SNUGGLING FAQ
Do you have to be lying down to snuggle?
Yes, the purest form of long-term snuggling can only be done at peak lying-down moments.
What if you’re on, like, a couch or something?
Yeah, okay, sure, couches count.
What if you’re in space but strapped to a bed? You wouldn’t be technically lying down because it would all be relative.
Yes! Whatever, you’ve made your goddamn point!
Can you snuggle with more than one person at a time?
God, no! That’s perverse!
Isn’t snuggling just something you do in order to get sex?
You’ve got that switched around.
Is it true one can achieve orgasm through snuggling?
We call that a “snuorasm,” and it’s amazing.