Jasmine Wiradharma | Comics and Graphics Editor
Featured illustration courtesy of Jasmine Wiradharma
Things don’t always go the way we plan, especially in an educational context. It’s difficult to take mistakes with grace. We need those good marks; we need to be responsible adults; we need to lose weight; we need to successful; we need good jobs; and we need to be something in order to be worthy of being “good enough.”
But what does “good enough” even mean? Are we fighting to be good enough for our family? Our friends? Ourselves? Maybe even the people around us who don’t have the slightest idea of who we are?
Sometimes, the answer to this doesn’t truly exist. “Good enough” is a standard that is so high that we cannot attain it, or it requires excruciating difficulty to achieve. The standard is perfection, leaving little leeway for our human mistakes.
And with a mentality like this, it’s easy to let stress and anxiety consume us. If we can’t meet the standard, we are constantly disappointed with ourselves. We often forget that perfection is simply impossible, and thus, an unhealthy way of trying to live our lives.
Failure is not easy to accept, but it is a normal part of life—everyone experiences it. I used to have a tendency to be very hard on myself when I made mistakes. I had trouble telling other people about my problems. Even if it was something as minor as forgetting to call my grandparents back, I was filled with too much shame to talk about it. I could not get over the fact that I had let important people down and that I had made a dent on my image.
But what exactly was this image? My counsellor noted the word, “perfectionism,” and then it clicked. I didn’t realize it before, but I was trying to protect a nonexistent image of myself. One that didn’t make mistakes, no matter what.
I’ve learned over time that mistakes do not make you a failure and talking about them does not make you weak. Mistakes simply make you human. In fact, opening up about your mishaps is oddly gratifying—you start to realize that the people around you share similar feelings. They too fear failure, question their actions and often do not know where life is taking them. That uncertainty is better shared with people you trust, rather than kept bottled within you. When the image of perfection started to dissipate, I started to enjoy life more. Maybe grabbing bubble tea at 12 a.m. wasn’t the best for your body, but it was fun. Maybe you’re not making six figures at your job, but you’ve definitely found some gems of enjoyment there, whether it was laughs between your co-workers or the opportunity to learn something new. Maybe you aren’t the best at a certain academic subject, but you’ve learned more about what you do like. Even with the imperfect lives we live, there are always moments that we can enjoy. We just have to take a look around.
While I am not against being cautious to avoid mistakes or aiming to be productive, I believe that many of us get crushed by unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.
Go a little easier on yourself. It’s easy to overlook all the progress we have made over our life just because we can’t make our way over the hurdles right before us. Remember how big your problems were in elementary school? High school? Maybe you don’t even remember them.\
Regardless, you’ve made it through your problems in the past—and you will continue to do so. So give yourself room to breathe when you mess up and don’t be afraid to enjoy life. Accept what has happened, think about it a little and continue forward. And if the pressure gets to be too much, be sure to reach out to someone. Whether it’s an individual you’re close to or a professional, I’m sure you’ll find peace in being able to discuss what’s truly on your mind.
