Arslan Ahmed | Sports Editor
Featured image: While they might not have had the best season, they at least did better than U of T. | Basma Elbahnasawy
Remember when the Cleveland Browns threw a parade after going 0-16 and labelled it as a “perfect season?” Well, they set a precedent.
York’s men’s football team did not have a perfect season and finished with a record of 1-7. However, that win was worth celebrating, as they avoided a winless season.
The Lions men’s football team will hold a parade through the streets of York; Security will be heavily required, as York linemen likely won’t be able to stop fans from blitzing the floats.
Fans are asked not to invade the parade, but they are encouraged to stand close by; the gifts and apparel being thrown by the quarterback may not reach far enough into the crowd.
When asked about this season’s record, Vee Kant Ruhn says: “The reason we could not score was because the north end of Toronto gets lots of rain and snow. The field was always wet and slippery, making it difficult to play defense or offense.”
Reasonable answer, and the team is working on solving this issue. To be part of the parade, the team is charging a $2 entry fee to raise money for a dome.
Coach Mayweather suggests: “The dome is really important. We will continue to hold parades to raise money, and avoid the issue of weather to start winning games.”
Splendid strategy. Holding parades will make fans happy and raise money for a dome—meanwhile, other teams will play in the rigid cold, and their fans would suffer watching them win in temperatures below -20.
The parade will start at the Lions Stadium at 5 a.m., and will last the entire day. When asked about this great length of parade, Coach Helpme replies: “We need to raise a lot of money for this dome. The longer we hold the parade circling York, the more donors we will receive.”
When you’re the last place team in the conference, you might as well have the best-looking stadium. The dome will solve the weather issue, and contribute to York winning games—seems like sacrificing wins over the next few years will translate into a dome and winning culture.
Tanking season is upon us. Jacoby Kantkach, wide receiver, says: “We have embraced losing. Losing is an investment for the future Lions. We will hold a parade every season despite our record, and ultimately protect our players and fans from the cold by fundraising for a dome.”
With the season over, priorities of the men’s team have been aligned. The team will hold parades every season moving forward, despite their record. York students are encouraged to join the parade and can also donate online, at yorkweatheriscold.ca.
