Vanessa Chambers-Stewart | Contributor
Featured image: It doesn’t matter how old we get—our ages shouldn’t restrict us from making new friends. | Courtesy of Pexels
There’s something special about ringing in the new year with people you don’t know. I don’t know if it’s the short burst of excitement, or, as the saying goes, if “positive energy is contagious.” The new year can also help bring into focus what lies ahead, and all that is yet to come.
As each year goes by, some of us may find ourselves with a tighter and smaller circle of friends. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does become an issue when you’re trying to meet new people, and it is even more difficult when life gets in the way. Many seem to think that making friends gets easier as you get older, when in fact, quite the opposite can be true. As a student, there are multiple factors that come into play when we’re discussing new friendships, and even though there are people that you may speak to, that doesn’t always mean that you’re friends.
From the moment you leave high school, that once-automatic pathway to meeting new friends is left behind you. Let’s just get one thing clear: school within itself is already a full-time job, whether you’re a part-time or full-time student.
Students have to factor in study time, completing homework, and re-reading or re-writing notes; and this isn’t just for one class. Aside from school, some of us may work and/or volunteer—in fact, there are many students who belong in all of these sub-categories.
It is unfortunate to say that technology is at its best right now, yet we still seem to lack the necessary skills in making new friends. Despite the numerous and accessible apps focused on making new friends, society does little to promote healthy ways of establishing and maintaining adult friendships.
Though we are constantly put into social settings, many of us still struggle with creating new friendships. However, individuals like first-year Marketing student Amar continue to make friends with little to no effort. As far-fetched as it may seem, I had the pleasure of sitting in with Amar and his friend, first-year Financial and Business Economics major Osama, who had met each other just hours before our interview.
“Friendship means having a ride-or-die person with you,” he says. Friends can have differences of opinion, but can still respect and accept the differences within the friendship, and come to a consensus. Amar acknowledges this as an important topic that people deal with, whether it be in a new friendship or a well-seasoned one.
I think the hardest part of any relationship is genuinely accepting each other’s differences. Not doing so can lead to relationships that stagnate and can deter people from seeking new friends.
It doesn’t matter how old we get—our ages shouldn’t restrict us from making new friends. Each year is meant to bring something new, even though life keeps us busy.
Here are some tips to keep in mind when making new friends or maintaining the friendships you already have:
- Communication — This is a huge factor in all areas of life—make yourself crystal clear. “No, I won’t be able to make it tonight because I have a paper due” sounds way better—and will be more accepted—than: “No, I don’t want to go.” When communication is clear, there is less room for misinterpretation.
- Time Management — Don’t forget to make time for your friends. Studying together isn’t the only time you can spend with your friends—go to the movies. Go shopping. Go to lunch. If you have common interests, don’t be afraid to participate in them as a duo or group.
- Listen! Listen! Listen! — Listening is a skill. When someone is speaking to you or writing something, it is important to listen. Don’t be afraid to ask your friend to repeat what they’ve said, or if they asked a question. “You are working on Friday and studying on Sunday, is that what you said?” or “I don’t understand what you said, do you mind repeating your last sentence?” helps with communication and ensuring the other person feels respected.
- Be Reliable — Don’t show up at 9:30 p.m. if your friend is expecting you to show up at 8 p.m. Let them know ahead of time if you’ll be late, and follow up as to why you’re behind. As I said, life will get in the way, but letting your friend know will give them time to switch their plans, not leave them upset or feeling stood up.
- Honesty — Nobody should be attacked or dismissed for having a difference of opinion or interest—and nobody wants fake friends either. If your friend wants to do something that you’re not interested in, it is better to say so and make your point clear. “You know, I understand that you love going to the movies on Friday, but I can’t stand the crowd. Is it okay if we do something else?” will go a long way towards making everyone feel more comfortable and understood.
- Respect — This ties in with Amar’s advice of dealing with differences—just because someone accepts your decision doesn’t mean that they’ll respect it. “I know that she’s busy Sunday morning, so let’s just find out from her which time works best that day,” is much more considerate than, “who cares about her being busy Sunday morning; let’s just plan it for Sunday afternoon.”
