Maddy Lisinski, Contributor
“I never would have expected it”
“you’ve always shown an interest in boys”
“maybe you have a girl crush”
“are you sure?”
“do you still think you’re gay?”
These questions and statements are products of bisexual erasure, otherwise known as bisexual invisibility, which according to GLAAD is a term for a circumstance under which “the existence or legitimacy of bisexuality (in general or in regard to an individual) is questioned or denied outright.”
This includes mislabelling a bisexual person as gay or straight, assuming they are confused or in an experimental phase, believing they are in denial of being homosexual, or claiming they are not ‘gay enough’ to be considered a part of the LGBTQ+ community.
Bi-erasure is harmful in many ways. The way it affected me was leading me to years of not understanding my identity, and making me feel guilty, insecure, and lost. If my claim to be bisexual had been accepted and legitimized without question, I would have had a much easier journey.
People seem to enjoy fitting everyone into neat little boxes, and I suppose to many people, bisexuality isn’t real enough to have its own category.
Due to the stigma that still surrounds non-heterosexuality, I’ve noticed that people feel uncomfortable talking about it and kind of tiptoe around that part of me. People who know I’m bisexual always ask me about men, but rarely do I get a person who mentions I might date or marry a woman someday.
I believe that if it’s not a secret, there’s no problem in mentioning one’s preference for both sexes in casual conversation. I think it’s important for people to know that we don’t have to be engaging in a discussion exclusively about bisexuality in order to acknowledge it. That is a huge way to help combat bisexual erasure.
Before I officially came out this past summer, I was worried about telling people about my sexuality because I was afraid they wouldn’t think it was as valid as others. I believed that if I were a lesbian, I would be accepted of the LGBTQ+ community, and others would care more when I told them about it.
Nothing hurts more than revealing such a deep part of yourself only to be questioned about it.
Up until the time I came out, I wanted to erase my own bisexuality and pretend I was straight all my life. I figured it wouldn’t hurt me because I liked men too; after all, I could just channel that part of me and hide the rest from the world. It wouldn’t be like I was living a total lie.
Coming out to my wonderfully accepting group of friends, I had never felt so comfortable and free about my sexuality in my life. It was so worth it. If you are bisexual, do not feel like there is no point in coming out because you are not gay. Your sexuality is real.
As a society, we should be speaking out about bisexual erasure, letting everyone know that their sexuality is as valid as anyone else’s, not mislabelling people, and erasing the stigma surrounding bisexuality. I am lucky to have come to terms with my sexuality and I want everyone else to have that freedom too.
