The importance of being ‘Laid

Vera Abdel Malek
Contributor
Get laid.
For a lot of teens, that may be the best advice.
Laid: Young People’s Experience with Sex in an Easy-Access Culture is a compilation of sex stories written by young people aged 18 to 25 across North America, explained Shannon Boodram, editor and contributing author. The book is divided into five chapters that focus on different aspects of the sexual experience.
“Hookups That Fell Down” is about one-night stands and friends with benefits, while “And Then I Saw Stars” focuses on positive sexual experiences.
“I think it’s so important to include people who got it right early,” Boodram said.

“Haven’t Been Quite Right Since That Night” focuses on side effects of sexual encounters, such as pregnancy, HIV or STIs. “When No! Loses All Meaning” discusses date rape and sexual abuse, while “Save Your Cherry or Banana” discusses abstinence.
“I really tried to make it an all-encompassing sexual experience guide to all the things you probably might hear about, go through or see during your teenage years,” she said.
So why sex?
“When I was in my teens I was very sexually confused,” she said. “There was a huge disparity between who I actually was based on my morals and values and who I was trying to emulate.”
A lot of young girls, Boodram recalls, were lying to each other about their sexual experiences out of embarrassment or shame. When Boodram went away to college, she spent a lot of time with girls from the track team. This closeness made the girls comfortable enough to share their sex stories. Through this she learned the importance of being open and honest about sex.
Contributors to this anthology were mainly females, but there were some submissions from men. Lesbian and gay stories were also accepted and placed into the appropriate categories.
“I was very welcoming of both sides of the story,” she said. “I think it’s very important for people to understand that sexuality is sexuality whether or not you’re having sex, or you’re having sex with a man or by yourself.”
Putting together the stories was an educational experience for Boodram. Reading personal stories is always a learning experience, she explained.
“It taught me how to take my sexuality with a lot of seriousness and make sure I’m not closed-minded to other people’s sexuality and what works for them,” she said. “If I had to say I learned one thing, it’s that sex isn’t one-size-fits-all.”
She did, however, face some challenges along the way.
“The book doesn’t have anybody I know in it,” she said. Boodram had a hard time getting people to speak openly about their sexual experiences.
She mentions the “airplane theory,” which states that it’s easier to speak to a stranger than a family member or friend about a personal issue.
“I had to really come out of my comfort shell and learn to ask strangers to submit something very personal,” she said.
Another big challenge Boodram faced was unexpected: people were more willing to share negative stories than positive ones.
“I think when people think sex-ed, they don’t think how positive sexual experiences fit into it, so they don’t necessarily feel comfortable sharing those,” she said. “Or people don’t really have a plethora of those from their teenage years to draw upon, so that was the last chapter to be completed.”
Reactions to Laid have been positive.
“I think it’s a great idea,” said Kate Moffat, 22, an anthropology student at York University. “I would definitely read it. Other people’s sex lives are fascinating to me. Just hearing about things that turn people on that I would never have thought of. It’s fantastic.”
A book like this would have been helpful for Moffat in her teenage years.
“My first time was right after the return of Family Guy on my parent’s basement couch,” she said. “After he left I cried for an hour.”
Learning about the experiences of others can alleviate negative feelings associated with sex. Even bad sex stories can have a positive influence on readers.
“There’s the good and the bad but it’s all a part of sex,” Moffat said. “Even if something makes you uncomfortable, it makes you think and that’s important.”
Alternative sex education is even more important given the censoring of the recently proposed sex education program in Ontario by Premier Dalton McGuinty, said Dr. Sheila Cavanagh, sexuality studies program coordinator at York University and author of Queering Bathrooms: Gender, Sexuality and the Hygienic Imagination.
Students need to find a way to educate themselves about sex.
“It is important for teens to share stories about sex so that others can benefit from their experiences, good and bad,” she said. “If this book is a way for teens to talk about sex and gender identity in respectful ways then I endorse it.”
Cavanagh encourages an open forum for all students.
“Teens need accurate and reliable information about contraception, safer sex practices, abortion and how to negotiate their own personal sexual boundaries,” she said. “Good sex is safe, fun and consensual.”
Boodram is currently working on her second book, which follows a similar format to Laid. “The goal of this one is to help multi-generational women break down communication barriers,” Boodram said. “Especially mothers and daughters, so again it’s through self-divulgence and telling very personal things about yourself in hopes of improving communication.”